Because you're afraid
by GlitterEverything
Summary: Alec had been stupid, he'd let Magnus think that he didn't really love him and now he was confused & completly lost as to what to do. He wanders the halls of the Institute when he hears music and comes face to face with a certain silver haired shadowhunter. The only problem is that this boy is dead, a ghost. Will this strange meeting help the young Lightwood sort out his love life.


**This was just a random oneshot that I couldn't get out of my mind, SPOILER ALERT in the next sentence stop reading now if you haven't finished Clockwork Princess.**  
**I know that Jem doesn't actually die in the books but this was torturing me and it had to be written if I was ever going to be able to think about any of my other stories. So yeah enjoy or exit this now if your going to hate.**  
**GlitterEverything**

Because Your Afraid one-shot

Alec couldn't count the number of times he had wandered the empty halls of the Institute at night when he couldn't sleep, or when the secrets were getting to be too much for him. He hadn't done it it awhile, wandered the halls for hours with no real destination in mind, not since he'd met the glittery time bomb that had fallen, no catapulted, into his life. Now Magnus was gone and he was more confused than ever, he hadn't really let the warlock in because of his feelings for Jace and he thought that maybe after a while that Jace would wake up and feel the same way, he had been delusional. Alec knew that now, that Jace was never going to look at him the way he looked at the fiery little redhead, just like Clary was never going to look at the mundane the same way she looked at Jace. It was sad, the way that both he and Simon would stare at those two in blind adoration and they never even suspected a thing.  
That was why when he saw Magnus again he had hoped that maybe the warlock wouldn't really like him that much. He hadn't wanted to get into a relationship with someone while he was still chasing someone else, but Magnus had been persistent and Alec couldn't deny the way his heart started to race when the glittery warlock was around. What Alec had never counted on was how deep Magnus's feelings ran, or how deep his own ran, it was only when the warlock had told him that he couldn't stand being with him only to watch Alec drool over someone else that he really realized the extent of this.  
That this wasn't just another affair for the warlock, that he was really interested in more than a one time thing, and more of a shock, that Alec himself wanted the same thing. He wanted to wake up in the mornings beside Magnus and fall asleep at night to his voice, he wanted to stare into those strangely beautiful cat eyes forever and let the warlock kiss him until he couldn't see straight.  
If only he'd realized this last week, Alec thought bitterly to himself as he walked down another long corridor. He should really get some sleep, but every time he closed his eyes he was haunted by the glowing green-gold eyes of a certain warlock that he couldn't seem to keep out of his mind, sleep was not an option. He was so distracted he almost didn't hear the music until he'd passed the music room, it was soft and haunting, teasing his hearing making him strain to hear the low sweet notes drifting on the air. He peeked his head in through the door of the music room expecting to see Jace sitting at th piano like he sometimes did when he was thinking about his father, thinking about Valentine, although tonight it wasn't Jace in the room and it wasn't even a piano making the sound.  
It was a boy probably around Alec's age standing in the corner of the room holding the violin that had been there for as long as he could remember, although it had remained untouched.  
Alec reached unconsciously for his seraph blade before remembering that he was in his pajamas and his weapons belt was in his room hanging on the edge of his bed where he'd left it. The boy didn't stop playing although Alec was sure he'd heard him by now or seen his long shadow on the floor of the room, he wondered briefly how the boy had gotten through the wards and spells that guarded the place or how he had managed to remain unnoticed by anyone. Then he saw it, the edges of the boy faded slightly like Alec was suddenly seeing everything from underwater before reforming, the boy wasn't even real, he was a ghost. Alec had heard of ghosts although most of them tended to hang around their burial grounds, it took years for them to gain enough strength to seem human and even longer to be able to hold anything.  
Suddenly the boy turned and fixed his eyes on him, Alec gasped seeing now what he hadn't noticed before. The boy's hair was silver like a dime shining in the sun and hung almost to his shoulders in loose waves, his eyes were the same shade only interrupted by the pupil, it was startling and unnatural. At the same time Alec noticed the marks that were standing out against the pale skin of his arms and neck, familiar looping designs that, even in death, didn't fade. This ghost, this boy, was Nephilim.  
"Will," he said, his voice colored with disbelief, "Will is that you." Alec didn't know what to say, this boy with the silver hair and eyes was defiantly Nephilim, but what he was doing in the institute was still a mystery, and who was Will.  
"N-no its Alec," he said blushing as he heard the stutter in his own voice, "Alec Lightwood." The shadowhunters silver eyes widened slightly then he smiled, Alec was still hovering in the doorway like a ghost, not really sure if he should approach the ghost boy who was still standing in the corner clutching the violin like a safety line.  
"Of course I'm sorry it's just that you look so much like him for a moment I forgot," he said, his voice was soft and pleasant to the ear, the british accent flowing over the words like water, cool and soothing.  
"Forgot what?" Alec heard himself asking and was rewarded by the smallest of smiles from the silver boy.  
"That this is not my world, and that you are not William although you look almost exactly like him. I forgot for a minute that I am dead and that you are not from my time, that this is not the London Institute." he smiled at Alec again, the same sad smile that didn't reach his eyes. "James Carstairs but everyone used to call me Jem."  
Alec nodded and stepped forward holding out his hand to shake Jem's but then thinking better of it and awkwardly returning it to his side blushing furiously the whole time. "What are you doing here Jem, this isn't London." he asked as he sank down onto the piano bench and turned to look at the boy again.  
"I missed this," he said glancing towards the violin, "I wondered what became of it after I passed on."  
Alec didn't say anything for a while after that, he simply watched Jem as he placed th violin back where he got it and came to sit down beside him on the piano bench, his presence sucked the warmth out of the air making goosebumps appear on Alec's arms but he barely noticed.  
"I know this is not my place," Jem said making Alec jump at the sudden sound of his voice, "but you seem troubled, worried about something, if you want to talk about it you can."  
Suddenly Alec didn't know why but he really wanted to tell Jem everything, to pour out his heart to this dead boy who didn't know the first thing about his problems. He thought suddenly of one of the old rhymes that his sister used to sing when they were little, two can keep a secret if of them is dead, how ironic that line seemed now. "I don't know how to start," Alec admitted with a shrug making Jem chuckle softly.  
"The affairs of the heart are complicated matters," Jem said and then fell silent giving him time to think.  
Alec took a deep breath before he spoke again and hoped that his voice was steady, "I think that I'm in love with someone, but I've royally screwed it up. I made them think that I loved someone else and now I'm afraid that I can't make it right again. I want to tell them and make everything ok but I'm scared of what people will think, dating a Downworlder isn't easy not to mention when it's another guy, that's like a double taboo." Jem made a strangled noise in the back of this throat and turned to stare at Alec, was it really that bad a thing to be in a relationship with a guy, then again he didn't know when Jem had died.  
"I know more about being in a Downworlder relationship than you might think, the love of my life was a warlock girl, and she was everything to me, I didn't care what the Enclave thought as long as I had her." Jem said his eyes glazing over as he went back in time. "I was worried about what people thought sure, but when you really love someone like I loved Tessa, then it doesn't matter. As long as you have that person, nothing matters but them. You would do anything for them, or be anyone for them, you would lie to protect them and kill to keep them alive. Love makes us liars."  
The familiar words hit home in his heart and his mind vaguely registers the fact that Jem was easily two hundred years old, and here was this ghost saying to him the same things that Magnus had told Clary not three days before.

"Where did you hear that?"he asked, not being able to help himself.  
"A friend another warlock actually that I knew years ago. Someone who helped me and who helped William more than I think he ever really realized."  
"Did this person have a name?" he pressed wanting to know so badly he could taste it like bitter poison in his mouth.  
"Magnus Bane." Jem said and gave him a knowing look.  
Alec face broke out into a smile at the words and he couldn't help but feel like he had just been given the key to something important, something that would change everything. "What happened to the Downworlder girl Jem, the one you fell in love with?"  
"I died and she married someone else, someone who loved her like I did, maybe even a little more. She married my parabatai and they were happy for years, I could not have picked a better husband for her than William Herondale." he said his voice sad and far away. Alec wanted to say something to comfort Jem in some way, to show that he understood and that he wished things had turned out differently, but how could he when he knew nothing about the silver Nephilim that sat beside him. Nothing but that he had loved someone who he couldn't have and that he was braver than Alec would ever be, to let the world know, even though he knew that no one would approve.  
"Don't let love get away because your afraid Alec, if love is real you must always fight for it." Jem said and when Alec turned to face him, to thank him for the advice, for the music and for listening he wasn't there. The only thing that ever hinted at his existence was the bitter coldness still hanging in the room, and the violin that had been moved and left out of its case.  
"Thank you Jem," Alec whispered and then he was running through the halls of the Institute not caring about whether he woke the entire household. He sprinted back to his room and threw on a jacket over his pajamas before running out the front doors and down the street towards Brooklyn.  
Alec slowed as he came close enough to the building to see the metal plate above the middle buzzer, the letters sparkling under the street lights spelling out the word BANE. His heart was thudding in his chest and his blood was threatening to pump out of his veins, he was terrified and ecstatic at the same time, Jem's words kept replaying over and over in his head giving him courage. He didn't bother with the buzzer he simply ran up the three flights of stairs to Magnus's loft, already pulling the thin silver key out of his coat pocket that he had never given back to the warlock. He unlocked the door and threw it open trying not to get distracted by all the blue and black furniture that crowded the space.  
Magnus was lying on a huge fluffy blue couch, he was reading his head downturned towards the pages of some ancient looking tome and Chairman Meow curled up by his side, looking more like a hamster than a cat. He obviously hadn't heard him come in, if he had Alec was pretty sure he would be a glitter covered toad by now or whatever Magnus felt like turning people into that day.  
"Magnus," he said and braced himself for the shock of magic striking him, making him see double. The warlock looked up surprise clear on his face before he smoothed his expression into one of cool amusement, although his eyes were still burning like hot coals, the green and gold looking like fire.  
"What are you doing here Alec," he said sounding almost bored, "No wait let me guess. Jace has gotten himself into some sort of trouble with Valentine again and they sent you to get me."  
Magnus stood suddenly and walked towards him, the fire burning brighter now in his eyes and blue sparks beginning to dance between his fingertips. Alec swallowed nervously and took a step back and then another until he was out of places to go and Magnus was only a few inches away from him. It was only when he got this close to the warlock that he realized that he had no clue how to say this, what was he supposed to say that some dead Nephilim ghost that he'd known years ago had given him love advice. Yeah that was going to go over well.  
So he didn't say anything.  
He simply grabbed Magnus roughly and crashed their lips together hoping that a kiss could say every crazy thing that he could not. Magnus seemed to get the message, hesitating only a moment before kissing him back and making Alec forget everything. When they finally broke apart out of breath and panting slightly, Magnus just looked at him for a minute before his face broke out into a grin that would put the Cheshire cat to shame.  
"So Alexander what now." he said and Alec didn't have an answer. He didn't know what they were going to do tomorrow or the next day, or even in the next ten minutes. All he knew was that he was in love with the glittery warlock in front of him, and he was pretty sure Magnus loved him, that was all that mattered.

**If you liked it good if you hated it, go crawl in a hole somewhere I just had to write this and get it out of my system so I could write on my other stories again without this intruding.**  
**GlitterEverything**


End file.
